I have not reported to you folks in a while. I am not sure how to give you this last news. I am beginning to understand a bit what Joseph must have felt like. He had these dreams of a wonderful future when his brothers sold him into slavery. Then, just as soon as it looked like he was going to be blessed in his service to Potiphar, he was falsely accused of making advances against his master's wife and thrown into prison. Then, when it looked as if the interpretation of the dreams of the baker and butler would provide him a way out, he was greeted with silence for two more years.

Anyway, I had had some anecdotal evidence that my cancer might be getting better. As it turns out, the guesses were wrong. Even with this last set of chemotherapy, the tumors are still growing. The 10 centimeter one in my hip is now 13 cm. The largest in my lungs was 5 cm; now it is 7cm. So, what do we do? We are trying another form of chemotherapy. The first method worked in about 50% of the cases; this one works in about 30% of the cases. But it is worth a try. The doctor said he could only think of one other approach if this one failed.

The last two or three days have been hard. The first news of cancer made me face death and God gave me great peace. This last piece of news touched me differently. I felt myself going through the valley of the shadow of death as I had never experienced before in my life. I felt all the darkness and dread of that great enemy. The broad shadow of this great enemy cut out all life.

Then, tonight, it all broke through. It started by my having to deal with a new symptom of the chemotherapy: diarrhea. Then, I hurt my bad leg. I could see myself going to the hospital tonight with a bad leg--something I had been warned over and over about. In my frustration and with my son in the room, I started mumbling. At first, it was scriptures and partial scriptures from all over the Bible. Then, I picked up my Bible and started reading the passages that spoke of our victory over death.

I read aloud Psalm 23. I read Job's confidence that he would see his Redeemer in his flesh. I read the passage in Romans telling us that we are more than conquerors. I read in 1Corinthians 15 about the resurrection and our victory over death. With the tears streaming down my cheeks, I read with growing strength and vigor. The words of God were in a sense defiant. Death would not have the victory! Life would be the victor!

When I finished reading, I talked to my son, Sam, who had listened through it all. I told him how I wanted God to have the victory in my life even if I was to die. I want to know what it is to be more than a conqueror. Death is not defeat for the believer and I do not want to depart in any form of defeat. Then, I talked to my son about how I would like some things to work out, especially for the church and ministry, if I am to die. We talked for some time and then I asked him to pray. He prayed from a heart overflowing and God gave me peace once again.

My leg is already better and I think it will be alright for now. I know that the peace of God may come and go at this time. But it is there and can be gained by an adventurous soul willing to fight for it. This journey may take me to ever-increasing heights and depths of heart and soul. Yet, there is only one place it will eventually end and that is in the presence of my precious Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. O what a glorious day that will be!